Unless I know who I truly am, and unless I trust in a perfect order to the Universe, I will flounder in my relationships. How do I know this? I've been paying very close attention.
I had my first serious relationship in sixth grade (at least I felt it was serious). From there, I had a series of long relationships in which I saw many of the same behaviors showing up. They revealed to me patterns that I either picked up from others, or formed on my own. For each pattern, I can identify a deeper false belief that I held:
1. Never let people see your flaws. Hide parts of yourself that you think are ugly.
Pattern created: Be inauthentic
Deeper false belief: I am dirty and bad
2. Make people believe you are awesome so they never leave.
Pattern created: Give to get them to stay
Deeper false belief: Without other people, I am nothing
3. If they try to leave or they appear to give others their love, cry. If crying doesn't work, rage.
Pattern created: Guilt is an effective tool
Deeper false belief: Punishment is acceptable/warranted
4. Other women can be threatening, especially if they are physically attractive. Be on guard.
Pattern created: Jealousy & Comparison
Deeper false belief: I am not enough; I have to protect what is mine.
This is just a start.
If I look at all of these, the root false beliefs illuminate that in the past (key words), I used relationships to feel safe and whole. I used my love as a control mechanism. I was demonstrating a complete lack of trust in myself as a whole being, and in God as a loving Creator.
If I am flawed and insufficient, I am essentially saying my maker is also flawed.
If I fear losing someone, it means that I must control my world, my happiness and secure my future. It means I am doing this all alone and God is not helping.
How to break the cycle, seek to know, feel, and see your WHOLENESS. Begin to trust in your perfection, and the perfection of your life as the perfect path to bring you back to God.
I had an orchid plant that had rotten roots. I was able to find many Youtube videos that taught me how to rid the rotten parts and begin again. Point being, if we want to know, we can know. If we want to be healed, we have to prune off all unhealed, false beliefs that we are rotten inside, or not enough. We have to love ourselves enough to see ourselves as perfect, magnificent beings. If we don't feel genuinely that this is possible, we need only express a willingness to know and to see.
Literally, the resources, people, conversations, prayers, and guidance from SPIRIT only await your willingness to know. When we seek to know our WHOLENESS, beyond seeking to know what our husband is doing on his phone, shifts can occur.
Our true comfort lies not in our ability to manipulate and control our loved ones, but to truly see ourselves and know ourselves as WHOLE. When we know we are WHOLE, we are able to respond to lack of love in the world with true compassion and an unsteady trust. We are able to love in a way that we always feel safe, regardless of what happens.
Please share any resources you know of! Thank you for reading!
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