Today I experienced my husband as a sweet and innocent being. He was showing me that he has been looking at optical illusion pictures on his phone, and sending them to his friends. He read to me that in the picture he was viewing, there was supposedly a whale, an eagle, a bear and something else. Then he said, "I can't find the whale." His eyes were wonderous and his tone so innocently sweet. I recognized the marked difference of the times I hold him in my mind like an untrustworthy enemy. I would dare say, "mother f*cker". How can he be both?
I have also heard Jennifer Hadley share that we become disappointed at times when we put our faith and trust into people's egos. In this example, I am wondering if I like my husband when he is in his Spirit, pure form, and I don't like him when he is in his ego. I am also aware that he could be looking at innocent photos of mountains with animals hidden inside, and I am presuming he is looking at half naked women and writing flirtatious messages to them. Right after typing that I realized that I am judging mountains with animals as innocent, and flirting as sinful. This helps me get to the point that I experience him according to my beliefs about the world and my opinions of what is acceptable, unacceptable. What is threatening and safe. What is loyal behavior and what is betrayal.
In a sense, my opinions form the container which shows up as my husband.
Byron Katie says that we never really meet another. We meet our beliefs and thoughts about them. Are my beliefs powerful enough to influence my husband? Would it serve me to decide, once and for all who he is, as a supportive, loving, kind, helpful, innocent, fun, adventurous, passionate, affectionate being? If I decided that is who he was, could I then interpret all his actions as these?
Last night he wanted to go somewhere right as I had arrived home. I wanted to take a shower. He was concerned the place would be closed if we didn't leave soon. I said, "Let me look up the time they close." I turned on the computer and sat in front of it. He said, "You are taking too long sitting there. Take a shower. (Add a disapproving mouth sound)." I interpreted this as rude and impatient and said a stereotypical, "You don't have to be mean about it." Was he mean? Was I mean for delaying his plan? Was there an opportunity to ask why he was bothered? Was I mean to myself for not speaking more directly to his tone?
If I were to hold my husband in the light of innocence, it would be ok for him to respond in any way and I would seek the opportunity to present a loving response. He is innocent. I am innocent. This belief rules out attack. I'm not attacked for my actions, he is not attacked for his. I feel encouraged to be curious and explore. To ask and to share how I am feeling when he is innocent and I am innocent.
The container I create for myself is that I AM a beautiful, creative, loving, helpful, inspired, awakened, prosperous, light being. The container I hold for my husband is the same. I am dedicated to seeing clearly. To hold in my mind the same vision that God sees us all with.
Thank you, SPIRIT!
As Katie says, feeling upset? Great. Judge your neighbor, Ask 4 questions, write it down, and turn it around. I have a stack of the worksheets available to me at work and at home. I can write one out in about two min. Then I put it away and maybe do the work on them later or not. It's interesting that just by writing them out I feel better pretty quickly. It's like my mind takes over and does the work for me and I feel better. Do you know what I mean? I think it's interesting that he said to take a shower - isn't that what you wanted? Katie probably would have said, "Thank you, Sweethart for being so understanding. I'll be quick and would you mind looking up the time the store closes? I love you." Katie is a master at not making stories out of tone or looks. She's my guru. Much love to you and your husband. Praying for your holy relationship.
ReplyDeletePs: I don't know if this is your most recent post. How do I get "notified" of them? 🤔