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Losing yourSELF in a relationship

According to the Enneagram personality archetype, I am a 2. Twos are helpers and givers. In addition, my first instinct for relating is intimate, meaning, I put the needs of others and the whole before my own. In the past, this combo was a recipe for putting myself last and allowing relationships to eclipse my own sense of self and my own desires.

The beauty of my path of awakening is that now I know that I am not my personality. As I wrote previously that there are many influences that I sense in my being. The highest truth is that I can from God and I AM SPIRIT. I AM ONE with the energy of the creator. I have learned that my personality is a tool, a catalyst for my growth. Through the temptation to unlovingly ignore my own needs, and give to get love to feel secure, I inevitably met pain and suffering. This pain and discomfort taught me to go another way.

I remember when I was in my twenties, I took an entire English class for my boyfriend. I read the books and wrote the papers. He was a great manipulator and I was an unhealthy giver. I recall a co-worker found out what I was doing and she disapproved. She gave me the book, "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant and I entered a deeper phase of my spiritual unfoldment. I later went on to attend two retreats with Iyanla. I got so many nuggets of golden truth, and I am grateful that my unhealthy behavior was met by SPIRIT's loving guidance to not only stop over-giving, but to begin to learn what LOVE is.

I have learned that the most powerful way that I can show up is to ask SPIRIT, "how can I be helpful." If left to my own personality devices, I may try to FIX and do for others and end up not really helping. I ask SPIRIT to guide me. I also learned to extend the same generosity to myself. Adding in time in my schedule for me to get ready. Spending time with the desires of my heart through visioning, journaling and taking action steps toward the inner aspirations that excite and inspire me.

SPIRIT will use everything to teach you. I used to lose mySELF, my truth in relationships because I didn't know who I was. I felt if someone else loved and adored me, I was safe. Knowing that my SELF is infinite, wholly loved and wholly lovable, I can let my heart be generous with no strings attached.

Comments

  1. LesleyApril 29, 2017 at 6:49 AM

    I can relate as I am also a 2. I'm curious what number is your husband? Mine is a 9. I think it is helpful that I know S is a 9 bc it's easier for me to understand when he won't confront something and is able to just let it go. It's his "9ness" showing up.

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